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Dead and Gone
Last Visit: 3 weeks ago
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Over the past few years I'v been changing, I'v lost friends, I'v lost family, I'v lost loved ones and I'v almost last my own life. Currently I'm fighting depression and anxiety and just feel so alone. There hasn't been much that I can do about it only fight but I feel like I'm losing this fight. After so many years I'v finally just had enough and I'v blocked the closest people in my life because I feel only like I'v been abandoned by them. I truly have no one to go to anymore because no matter how many times they tell me there "there for me" someone else is more important. I felt like breaking down today and crying but I can't because If I do I fear that I'll lose the remaining hope I have left. My life is slowly becoming more fragile and useless and I just don't know what to do to stop it. Iv done counseling, I'v talked to friends, I'v bottled it up, and I'v even tried to let it out. But in the end of it I'll always be alone. I have no interest in love or finding someone, I'm rapidly losing interest in my games or even being around anyone and even when I'm with someone even a friend I still feel so lost. What happened to me? Why do I feel like I need someone to hold me and tell me its ok but I don't have that anymore. I don't have anyone to just hold me and let me cry to let it out. I'm a guy yea but even I have my breaking point. I truly feel like a "sad song" My life has become hollow and useless so fast that I can't keep up with it anymore. Why doesn't anyone care about me? Why can't I be happy anymore? Why do I feel like ending it so much? I'm nothing but a screw up, and loser, a hopeless case, a hollow shell of what I use to be. Why do people keep telling me there here for me then end up picking someone else? Why do they get to be happy? Why do they get to be loved and I'm here alone. Why do they have someone there for them to make them feel happier or to tell them they'll be ok and I'm at a window looking in hoping that someone will notice me and tell me I'll be loved, that they love me and want to be with me. Someone to fix this broken heart this broken soul this broken spirit. Nothing matters anymore does it, no matter how much I put myself out there and put on a smile for others and be there rock. That shoulder they need to cry on that ear to hear there problems. While there feeling better and gaining hope I'm slowly dieing inside and losing that light that they see. Am I to die alone not knowing that someone was at that window beside me looking for the same thing as me? Just someone to be there for them...I guess when my journey ends and there isn't anything left to hope for my struggle will be over. I'll finally will be gone and that window will fade to black and my stage curtain will close and the symbol that is my life will end and there will be no happy ending there will be no standing applause just the silence I'v heard all my life. That is my stage I the puppet and the strings of my life are being cut one string at a time. So Puppet master how much longer do I have before you cut that last string? And I lie lifeless on the stage. I probably wont update DA anymore because there isn't much left of this hollow shell.